Attempt to park as close to the entrance as possible. For fuck's sake, you'll be using a trolley with wheels on - no one is asking you to scale the Himalayas with a tonne of spuds on your back. Just bloody park would you?
Check whether their lottery ticket was a winner at the Tobacco counter. What? Live in a fucking bubble do you? Have you not heard of newspapers/Teletext/the Internet? I just want some fags and you are being a NOB.
Cling onto their trolley like it contains their life savings. Believe me Love I really do not want the contents of your fucking trolley. If I wanted some Findus Crispy Pancakes I'll go down the frozen aisle meself. Let go of the damn thing, it's not a magic carpet, it's not going to fly off.
Take instructions from their spouse at home over their mobile as to what they should be buying. They're that moronic they have to listen to "no, the blue one" because they can't work out what frigging flavour of Pot Noodle they eat for lunch day in day out without being coached.
Leave a trolley right in the middle of the busiest aisle. God almighty, how can anyone be so spacially unaware?
Spend ages staring moronically at the shelves in the wine section. Then pick up a bottle of Blossom Hill. You know you wanted a bottle of piss in the first place so why not just select your usual bottle of piss?
Limp.
Snap the stalks off broccoli spears so they pay less. You tight arsed gets.
Allow their educationally sub-normal children to push the shopping trolley when the stupid thing can't see over it.
Check whether their lottery ticket was a winner at the Tobacco counter. What? Live in a fucking bubble do you? Have you not heard of newspapers/Teletext/the Internet? I just want some fags and you are being a NOB.
Cling onto their trolley like it contains their life savings. Believe me Love I really do not want the contents of your fucking trolley. If I wanted some Findus Crispy Pancakes I'll go down the frozen aisle meself. Let go of the damn thing, it's not a magic carpet, it's not going to fly off.
Take instructions from their spouse at home over their mobile as to what they should be buying. They're that moronic they have to listen to "no, the blue one" because they can't work out what frigging flavour of Pot Noodle they eat for lunch day in day out without being coached.
Leave a trolley right in the middle of the busiest aisle. God almighty, how can anyone be so spacially unaware?
Spend ages staring moronically at the shelves in the wine section. Then pick up a bottle of Blossom Hill. You know you wanted a bottle of piss in the first place so why not just select your usual bottle of piss?
Limp.
Snap the stalks off broccoli spears so they pay less. You tight arsed gets.
Allow their educationally sub-normal children to push the shopping trolley when the stupid thing can't see over it.
Leave their basket in the stack at an angle so I have to tidy it up before I can get my basket in. Selfish bastards.
Jam about twenty items into a basket and then pay for it at the Tobacco counter. I just want some fags, you Wankers.
Ugh, my man does two of those things. Because he has no spacial awareness when his mitts are on a trolley handle, I stay home and let him shop alone. Which means he rings me to see if we need the 40-pack of bog roll on special because he can't remember if we like the brand or not. But at least he does know his wine :)
ReplyDeleteOh bless him - he's just a bit fey. That's fey with a "f" btw.
ReplyDeleteyou forgot the parents who give their snot bedevilled offspring a squeaky toy at the begining of their shop; which the little imp incessantly activates throught their shop before they take it off child, and initiate a fit of the screaming abdabs in said child at the checkout!
ReplyDeleteAlso the 'heavy boned women (who really don't get the irony in their wearing of jogging pants) who mindful of keeping sugar levels up, rip open packages of biscuits/cakes/crisps, and then deposit packaging back on the shelves so's not to pay for it! you know the ones with the 4 foot wide arse wiping the floor behind them!
I could go on...