Ffena Ffag Ffree?

Oh yeah, day 17 on the Champix - day 7 ffag ffree.

This Champix is bloody weird.  Last Saturday night something clicked in my head and the desire to smoke died an instant death.  So this is my seventh day of not smoking.  I even got through an entire working week without impaling a user on their own keyboard or, more successfully, punching the freaky programmer that we employ to produce fuck-all-in-six-months who winds me up just by breathing in and out.

Feeling Perky

I no longer wake up with a face like a pink screwed up paper bag.  The pills make me feel a bit sick but as long as I wash them down with a bit of water and a couple of Asda Smartprice bourbon biscuits (23p) I can cope with it.  The shop adjacent to where I work has reported a massive loss in revenue.  I can't remember my pin number because I haven't been to the Hole-in-the-Wall in over a week.  And the chickens think I'm dead because I'm not hanging about the back step for half the day flicking ash on their heads.

There are lots of warnings about Champix and some very nasty side effects including mood swings and even depression.  I appear to be having an exceptional experience in that I am feeling like a pig in shit and bouncing up and down like Tigger.  I love being a non-smoker, I love the money I'm not spending and I know Cariad & Angus are very proud of me.

And possibly something very good happening on the career front next week.  Should I wear a suit?

Day 10 - Gagging but Getting There

I bought a pack of 20 fags on Friday night and I still haven't finished them! 

The Champix has really kicked in and I am choking, retching, gagging whenever I attempt to inhale.  Like a complete fool I timed my adoption of Champix to co-incide with Wales advancing through the stages of the rugby world cup and as a Scouser would say - "Me nerves are shot". 

Watching Wales yesterday sent me out the back door a few times for a nerve-calming fag.  Eyes watering, coughing and trying not to puke on the chickens' heads I really had to work hard at getting half way down a fag.  I felt like an utter NOB.  Then Wales lost the game and I felt even worse.

I am hoping this does not induce Pavlov dog type behaviour.  Next time Wales run out on the pitch will I be feeling sick with watery eyeballs?  Oh hold on, that's what normally happens during a Welsh game.

Stupid Smoking Stuff I've Done that is Making me Pack in the Ffags

Smoking makes you stupid.  Reflecting on my smoking career here are some reasons why I am attempting to give up FAGS.

I have set fire to my hair on numerous occasions. 

One of my prized possessions is a Liberty ashtray.

It has been known for me to buy FAGs on my credit card because I'm skint but I need FAGS

When I announce to my colleagues at work that "I'm off to check the spooler in the warehouse" this means I am actually going for a FAG.  They must think "the spooler" needs some serious maintenance.

On too many occasions while pissed I have attempted to light a FAG with my USB stick.

I once threw a FAG end out of the car window straight into the face of a passing cyclist.

If I have to toss up between spending the money in my purse on something for lunch or buying FAGS then the FAGS win.

I once served a salad to guests with a FAG end in it.

As soon as I go round to someone else's house they get an ashtray out from under the sink.

I will even smoke outside while it's snowing.

The bleeding obvious - Ekky.  Nuff said.

I start on the Champix this weekend.  Apparently I am going to feel queasy, have nightmares and possibly have a complete mental breakdown.  Got to be better than setting fire to your hair with your USB stick.

Ffen Attempts to get off the Ffags

Yet another attempt to get off the fags starting in the next few days.  I will attempt to write something witty and urbane while being off my face on Champix and suffering from extreme nicotine withdrawal.

In the meantime I've got a pack to finish.