The key to good scones is MANKY MILK. Fresh milk is no good for scones, you need either:
- Milk that has gone off and which makes you snap your head back when you sniff it.
- Buttermilk - you can buy this now in supermarkets. Looks a bit like yogurt.
- Or make your own manky milk - squeeze a couple of teaspoons of lemon juice into it and leave it for five minutes or so.
Kit
A decent set of scales. This is chemistry so make sure your scales are accurate.
A mixing bowl. A proper mixing bowl, not the thing you eat your bran flakes out of. It needs to be at least 2 pints in capacity so you can get your elbows in.
A measuring jug.
A dinner knife.
A tablespoon (these are bigger than the ones you eat your breakfast with... but 2 x dessert spoons = 1 tablespoon).
A teaspoon.
A baking tray.
Fluted cutters or a glass tumbler.
A rolling pin or a wine bottle (empty it first).
A pastry brush or the tip of a finger.
An oven.
Ingredients
8oz self raising flour.
2oz butter at room temperature (don't use Stork - it's rank).
Pinch of sea salt.
1/4 pint of manky milk or around 3 tablespoons of buttermilk.
2oz grated really cheesey cheese - Cheddar usually or Lancashire.
1 teaspoon wholegrain mustard (entirely optional but I really like it)
Method
Put your oven on and move the shelf up high. I usually do scones at gas mark 7 or 8.
Tip your flour into a bowl and add just a pinch of sea salt. With your dinner knife cut your butter into wee chunks and add to the flour. Now you need to "rub in" the butter, I can't explain how to do this (I've been doing it since I was about six) so if it is a mystery perhaps look here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LW6H_SL_TJo
Once your butter is deconstructed into bread crumbs tip in your cheese and swirl it in with your butter knife (can you tell I hate washing up?).
Now you have to decide whether you are using manky milk or buttermilk. I prefer buttermilk so I will put around three tablespoons in a little bowl and stir in my wholegrain mustard. If you are using manky milk measure your 1/4 pint (complete with lumps) into a measuring jug and stir your mustard in.
Pour your liquid into your mixing bowl and take your increasingly mucky butter knife and use it to bring most of the mixture together. Discard knife and get your hands in, you need to bring the mixture together in a ball. If it feels a little dry add just a touch more liquid. If it's too wet you'll need to add a fistful more flour or so, but it should be fairly pliable.
Give your hands a wash (or wipe them on the back of your jeans like I do) and clear an area for rolling out the dough. Don't attempt to roll out on a piece of clingfilm - it will land up wrapped around your head. Flour the surface and flour your rolling pin or wine bottle.
Lightly spread out the dough - be gentle with it (you can even just pat it out with your hands) until it's around half an inch thick. Cut out your rounds with either a fluted cutter or a tumbler - how wide you want them depends on you but I like them fairly small (which facilitates shoving them in your gob whole) and usually get about half a dozen in a batch.
Scatter just a little flour on your baking tray. Place the rounds on spacing them nicely although they should go "up" and not "across". Brush a little milk across the top of each one with either a pastry brush or your finger.
Bang the baking sheet in the oven and leave for about 10 minutes. How long you need to cook them really depends on how your oven performs but 10 minutes minimum. Stick your head in and have a look at them...
If you want to know if a scone is cooked through pick one up and look at the bottom - is it nice and brown? If not put them back in the oven for another 2/3 minutes.
When they're done you can either put them on a cooling rack that you don't own or stick them on a plate.
Now, get a big packet of Irish butter open and a clean knife ready. When the scones are no longer like molten lava split one and place a slice of butter on each side. Eat.

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