I Inflict Further Damage on My Boss' Mental Health

The quarterly farce that measures my performance as an employee.

DS: "Right, we need to set your objectives for Q1"

Me: "It's nearly Q2. How can I set objectives for the quarter when half of it is gone?"

DS: Sighs. "Just give me some objectives for the quarter."

Me: "I want a pay rise."

DS: "That's not an objective."

Me: "It is for me."

DS: "Phen!"

Me: "Ok, how about I head up the department because you're crap?"

DS: Gritting teeth, "How about learning a new skill or taking ownership of a process?"

Me: "Do I get a pay rise?"

DS: "Look - it's about Personal Development."

Me: "Ok - how about you give me four grand and I'll get 'em done? Angus would appreciate a decent pair as well."

DS: Lays his head on the desk... "Can you please just go away now?"