I grew up in Liverpool where everyone is an immigrant. And even if you were born in Liverpool I can guarantee that a generation or two back your family was just trotting down the gang plank at a landing stage. Try and find someone in Liverpool with an Anglo Saxon surname, they must have moved up from "Down South".
Growing up in a city full of people all different colours and creeds makes you pretty open-minded. And living in London for over 20 years enforces the basic fact that people are just people. You get nice people and you get nasty people wherever you go. I really hope I am bringing my daughter up to have the same open mind.
I hate the BNP with a passion. I hate the fact that the bastards only push their sordid leaflets through my letterbox overnight and won't show their faces during daylight. If I ever encountered a member strolling up my path I would chase him/her down the street with a very blunt instrument. I hate the EDL. I hate the sweeping statements folk make about people coming into this country blah, blah, blah. SHUT THE FUCK UP, they’ve been coming for hundreds of years you twats.
But I do find it amusing at the remarks some of my fellow human beings make to me in the assumption that because I've got a white face I must believe in the same crap they do. I've had some absolute outrageous statements addressed to me and rather than get angry I have to pity the pathetic, ignorant human being and then go round the back and have a good laugh. A collation of my favourites below:
This is a cracker from last week in Asda at the checkout. Operator to me: "Do you want some carrier bags?" Me, "No, I've brought my own thanks". Operator: "Not like those Asians, they use tonnes of them". Asians use tonnes of plazzy carrier bags do they? Blimey, I thought those friends of mine were completely normal, but apparently not. They're plastic bag fiends ram-raiding supermarket check-outs like packs of wild dogs. Meanwhile at home they're packed to the rafters with purloined Asda carrier bags.
Once, while having my hair cut by a female dullard she asked me where I lived. So I replied "Oh not far, XXXXX Road". She replied "It's a nice street that, there's no blacks or Indians in it. Are you married?" Felt like responding "Yes to a HUGE Nigerian, but I'm only Wife No 3". We'd only just moved in so maybe I should have told her I was Irish/Welsh while my husband is a Scot - that would have probably freaked her out too.
At a doctor's appointment I was attending because of a rather nasty chest infection he peered at my notes and said "You've a history of TB in the family. You’re probably Irish are you?” I said "Yeah, I am partly but it wasn't the dirty Irish Catholic side that were spitting up blood, it was the Welsh lot. Do you want to make any other wild assumptions while I'm here?"
At a bus stop waiting for transport into Luton a really sweet little old lady was chatting to me to pass the time. She said "These buses - they're full of Muslims these days". Fuck me, Muslims must have run out of magic carpets and are marauding up and down on public transport! No doubt on their way to stock up on colossal amounts of free carrier bags.
When I was still living in London some twat in a pub said to me "Ealing's full of fucking Polish". Mmmm... yes, they came to join the RAF during WWII and made an enormous contribution to the Battle of Britain. That's why there's a fucking big Polish War Memorial on the A40 as our way of saying THANK YOU.
When a briefcase went missing at an office I was working at (not my current place of work - happily that's like the United Nations) the Office Manager said to me, "Should we ask the cleaner if he took it - he's black?” I nearly went over the back of my chair.
Stood in an Oxford Chinese takeaway at the counter with a (no longer) friend she's on her mobile talking loudly to someone we're meeting later: "I'm with Ffen in the Chinky". 'Chinky', I nearly died of embarrassment.
Another ex-colleague very casually mentioned "I'm driving to see a customer in Bradford tomorrow. It's full of Pakis". I looked at him and thought "Most of them are from Bangladesh actually and what's more 99.9% of them will think you're a cunt".
My personal favourite didn't happen to me but to a Jamaican friend of mine who also happens to be around 6' 5": "Ooo, do you play basketball then?” He replied "No, I'm training to be a jump jockey".
I still have a problem with most things Mancunian though.
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